Reclaiming Embodiment After Shame

Raised on Shame Podcast – Episode 3

Many of us were taught that our bodies could not be trusted. Not all at once. Not always explicitly.

But through rules. Through expectations. Through silence.

We learned that hunger was suspicious.

That desire was dangerous.

That comfort was indulgent.

That control was virtue.

Over time, many of us stopped listening to our bodies at all.

This episode of Raised on Shame explores what it means to reconnect with our bodies after growing up in environments that taught us to distrust them. Not embodiment as sexuality or performance. Not body confidence as a goal.

Embodiment as relationship.

Embodiment as trust.

Embodiment as safety.

Most importantly, recognizing that your body was never the problem.

The Shared Thread Between Purity Culture and Diet Culture

When people talk about purity culture, dieting culture, or body shame, they often talk about them separately.

But underneath them is the same message: control.

Purity culture teaches control of desire.

Diet culture teaches control of hunger.

Different language. Same lesson.

Your body is a problem to be managed.

Not listened to.

Not trusted.

Not honored.

From a trauma informed perspective, disconnection from the body is not a failure of awareness. It is a survival strategy.

When the body is scrutinized, moralized, or punished, tuning out can feel safer than tuning in.

Numbness is not weakness.

Dissociation is not disobedience.

They are protective responses that made sense in context. Your body learned how to keep you safe.

The cost of that protection over time is disconnection.

Not just from hunger or desire, but from rest, pleasure, and boundaries.

When Reconnection Feels Uncomfortable

Many people do not realize how disconnected they are until they try to reconnect.

And that can feel unsettling.

That does not mean something is wrong. It means your nervous system is learning something new.

Many of the beliefs we carry about bodies were never consciously chosen. They were absorbed through sermons, wellness culture, gender expectations, praise, and punishment.

Even after we intellectually reject these ideas, they can still live in reflexes and habits.

That does not mean you are failing.

It means learning takes time.

Relaxation is not a decision. It is a physiological state.

Safety cannot be forced. It has to be experienced.

Bodies that learned safety through control often need patience, not pressure.

A Conversation About Growing Up With Body Shame

In this episode, Kimberly Wilder speaks with JK Lee Marble about their experiences growing up in religious environments that emphasized control, modesty, and purity.

Although their backgrounds were different, many of the messages they internalized about their bodies were strikingly similar.

One of the themes that emerged was the idea that the body was inherently sinful and needed constant control.

For many young girls in religious communities, modesty and obedience were framed as moral responsibilities.

The body was something to cover.

Something to control.

Something that could cause others to stumble.

This messaging can lead to deep internalized shame, especially during adolescence when the body is naturally changing.

As JK describes, puberty became something to ignore rather than understand.

Normal bodily changes were surrounded by silence and shame.

Without healthy information or open conversations, many young people internalize the belief that their bodies themselves are wrong.

The Confusing Messages Around Sexuality

Another theme explored in the conversation is the contradiction many people experience around sexuality.

For years, the message is clear: sex is sinful and dangerous.

Then suddenly, within marriage, the expectation shifts.

Now sex is not only allowed, but required. Something that should be enjoyable and effortless.

Yet the shame built over years does not disappear overnight.

Many people are expected to flip a switch emotionally and physically without any real guidance or education.

In some religious contexts, couples are also discouraged from discussing their sex lives with others, reinforcing silence and confusion.

Without healthy conversations, people often assume that struggles with intimacy are their own fault.

Once again, the body becomes the perceived problem.

Disconnection as Survival

One of the most powerful parts of the conversation explored how disconnection from the body can become a strategy for survival.

When belonging requires suppressing feelings, curiosity, or desire, many people learn to push those experiences away.

This can look like:

Ignoring bodily sensations

Suppressing emotions

Avoiding conversations about sexuality

Disconnecting from intuition

The body becomes something separate rather than something to live within.

In literature, this kind of dissociation is sometimes described beautifully. While discussing the novel The Marriage Portrait, one line stood out:

“She becomes other and elsewhere.”

For many people raised in controlling environments, that phrase captures the experience perfectly.

Disconnection becomes a way to stay safe.

Relearning Connection With the Body

Reconnection does not happen instantly.

It often begins with small moments of awareness.

For J.K., spending time in nature helps her reconnect with her body. Running, hiking, and simply being outdoors create space for her mind to slow down and her body to feel present again.

Other grounding experiences include:

Sitting quietly with a partner

Sharing meals with close friends

Practicing breathing exercises

Building community with people who accept you fully

These small moments help rebuild the sense that it is safe to exist in your body.

The Role of Community in Healing

One of the most consistent themes that emerges when people leave controlling environments is the loss of community.

Even when those communities were restrictive or harmful, they still provided connection.

Research supports how important this connection is.

One of the longest running studies on human happiness, conducted by Harvard, found that social connection is one of the strongest predictors of emotional wellbeing.

Community reduces depression, anxiety, and isolation.

But rebuilding community after leaving religious or cultural systems can be difficult.

It requires vulnerability and often stepping outside of comfort zones.

As JK shared, sometimes the first step is simply showing up.

Sending the text message.

Going for the walk.

Attending the dinner.

Even when you do not feel like it.

Opposite Action: Moving Toward Connection

One practical strategy discussed in the episode is something therapists call opposite action.

When the instinct is to withdraw, isolate, or shut down, opposite action means gently doing the opposite.

If you want to stay home, go for a short walk.

If you want to isolate, send a message to a friend.

If you want to avoid connection, try showing up anyway.

These small actions can interrupt cycles of disconnection and help rebuild a sense of safety and belonging.

A Brief Embodiment Practice

If you would like to try a small practice inspired by this episode, you can pause for a moment and simply notice your body.

Not to change anything.

Not to improve anything.

Just notice.

You might notice tension.

Warmth.

Numbness.

Or nothing at all.

Whatever you notice is allowed.

Neutral awareness builds trust without demand.

Embodiment Is a Relationship

Embodiment is often misunderstood.

It is not body confidence.

It is not sexuality.

It is not self love.

Embodiment is a relationship.

And like any relationship, it is built through consistency, curiosity, and choice.

Your body does not need to be fixed.

It needs to be met.

The problem was never your body.

The problem was the systems that taught you to override it.

A Question to Reflect On

As you move through the week, consider this question:

What messages did you learn about your body that were framed as care, but actually felt like control?

There is no need to answer quickly.

Curiosity is enough.

Listen to the Episode

This post is based on Episode 3 of the Raised on Shame podcast.

If anything in this conversation resonated with you, you can find:

Books and trauma informed resources

Community support options

Information about sharing your own story on the podcast in the episode show notes.

In the next episode, we will explore grief after leaving high control environments and why healing often begins with what we were taught not to feel.

Until then, remember:

Your body was never the problem.