Grief After Leaving High-Control Systems
- Kimberly Wilder
- Mar 15
- 1 min read
Raised on Shame – Episode 4
Many people expect that leaving a harmful belief system will immediately bring relief.
Sometimes it does.
But often what comes first is grief.
In Episode 4 of Raised on Shame, Kimberly Wilder explores why leaving shame-based environments can bring sadness, confusion, and emotional disorientation, even when leaving was necessary. When we leave systems that shaped our identity, community, and worldview, the loss can be real and complicated.
You may lose certainty.
You may lose belonging.
You may lose relationships or a sense of who you were inside that system.
This kind of loss is often ambiguous. There is no clear ending and no clear place to grieve it. Because of that, many people try to move forward without acknowledging the grief they carry.
But healing does not always begin with relief. Sometimes it begins with naming what was lost.
This episode also includes poetry readings that explore themes of faith, power, truth telling, and the emotional complexity of leaving systems that once defined us. Poetry allows space for contradiction and ambiguity in ways that ordinary conversation sometimes cannot.
Grief does not mean you made the wrong decision.
It means something mattered.
As you reflect on this episode, consider this question:
What are you still grieving, even if you do not wish it back?
Naming that loss can be a powerful step toward healing.
Listen to Episode 4 of Raised on Shame to explore these themes and hear the readings of the poetry below:
"On Learning to Dissect Fetal Pigs" by Renee Nicole Macklin Good
"The Iceman Cometh" by Roger West
"Poets are also the Fourth Estate" by Gordan Magill
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